Contributing Works Stories

Is That A Tick?

by Debra Vernon

Here is something sure to entertain you for the evening. I call this little ditty “is that a tick on my nether regions”? After mowing and weed-eating my yard and my mom’s, I came into the house and immediately jumped in the shower. While lathering up, I thought I detected a little “bump” where there should be none. After getting out of the shower, I proceeded to investigate. “How,” I asked myself “can I even see the nether regions area to investigate?” I proceeded to put a mirror in my hand and propped one of my legs up onto the edge of the bathtub, intending to get a peek at the area where I felt the bump. As I’m tilting the magnifying mirror to and fro, the mirror itself falls out of the frame and breaks. I now have one leg in the air, little slivers of glass on the floor, and still the possibility of a tick munching on my nether regions. I lower the leg, clean up the glass and press on. Next up is trying to use the video option on my phone to see if there is a blood-sucking parasite located in the nether regions. I can only hope I deleted the video before it uploaded to the cloud, or I may be arrested tomorrow for indecency. After all this, no tick was found feasting on my nether regions – believe me when I say I looked closely! Now, this makes your evening seem much more serene and pleasant doesn’t it?

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