Contributing Works Stories

The Tale of a Talented Broomstraw

by Debra Vernon

My Saturdays are spent washing clothes and cleaning house. While bedecked in my little terry cloth robe over the
weekend, I proceeded to sweep the kitchen. Somehow I managed to trip over my own two feet and took a tumble to the floor. I felt a brief sting in my derrière at the time but gave it little thought. I picked myself up, determined there were no broken bones and started sweeping again. It was then I felt another stabbing pain in my right buttock. I rub my hand over the area and can feel something where there should be nothing. A quick trip to the bathroom and a mirror in hand reveals a broom straw embedded just under the skin of my right butt cheek! How in the world did it evolve from a normal broom straw to a hypodermic one in the nano-second it took me to fall upon the broom on my way to the floor? And how did it manage to wedge itself between my robe and body? This was a seriously talented broom straw! It had traveled places where no one had before! And I wanted it out! Then I had to ponder – should I just yank it out or try to gently pull on it? What would I do if I broke it off before getting it all out? Go to the ER
with a straw in my butt? Nope, not an option. Didn’t want to have to explain to the doc or the insurance company. So with a “grin and bear it” mentality, I took a deep breath and pulled out the offending particle. I’m glad to say I successfully removed all of it, and with very little bloodshed. But I do believe I will switch from a straw broom to a Swiffer. What can possibly go wrong with that, right?

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