Author: admin

I don’t think anyone ever plans on being a single parent.  On that much-anticipated wedding day, the future seems so bright and everyone thinks that surely, this was meant to be.  Time passes, and children often come along to bring additional blessings to your life.  Ah, the family unit is complete.  How much better can life be?

But sometimes, due to circumstances that can never be planned for, situations occur that break the union that wasn’t intended to be broken.  Sometimes death snatches a loved one away, and suddenly there is a void that will never be entirely filled again.  Other times, the love that was so strong at the beginning proves not fervent enough to endure those tough times that all marriages encounter.  And, there are also those who abandon marriage to pursue other interests or other people.  Whatever the cause, the cocoon of safety and assurance that once enveloped us is shattered, and life is never quite the same again.  

That’s where I found myself long ago, when my daughter had just turned 6, and was getting ready to graduate from kindergarten.  Suddenly, we weren’t your typical family unit anymore, just a mom and daughter wondering what in the world the future held for us.

Fortunately, due to God’s goodness, and a family that loved us more and more with each passing day, we grew together through the ensuing years.  Was it easy?  Gracious no.  Was it hard?  Heavens yes – both financially and emotionally!  But there were blessings to be found in every circumstance, and if we looked for them, we were sure to encounter them, tucked away in the most mundane moments of life.  So, this month, when we celebrate Father’s Day, I want to salute the single moms out there who fulfill the role of dad.

You know who you are:  the one trying your darnedest to fix the leak under the kitchen sink with just a pair of pliers.  Or the one looking under the hood of the car, trying to figure out just exactly where the air filter is, so that you can change it yourself, and not pay someone else to do it.  Or perhaps, while fixing that leaky toilet, you didn’t realize you had not turned the water connection off before proceeding to work your plumbing magic (though this did make for a good laugh for your daughter who is watching the fountain of youth spring up in your bathroom).  

And, since there is only one of you filling the role of two, you sometimes overbook yourself, and try to be in two places at one time, such as work and the school awards ceremony.  And, when the kids are sick, you can’t trade off with a spouse and say, “Honey, you take her to the doctor today; I did it last time”.  You also go into work sick, so that you can save your sick days for when the kids are sick.

You cash in some of your vacation time to buy them a computer, so they can have the opportunity to do better in school.  You stay up at night and figure out how your “in-come” relates to your “out-go” and then figure it again to see what must be paid now and what can wait.  You’re the one putting the bicycle together on Christmas eve to help Santa out.  You’re the one who helps with homework, dries the tears from the effects of young love gone wrong during science class and, in general, keeps the home fires burning.   You mow the lawn, service the car, clean the house, wash the clothes, cook the meals and anything else that needs to be done, as there is no one else to do it.  But there, among all the things that you do, lies the secret of happiness – giving the best you have for the best part of you, your child.  Someone once said, “I never knew that my heart could exist outside my body, until I had a child”.  Isn’t that the truth?

The values instilled in me as a child served me well during those lean years.  My own childhood was quite different, as I was blessed with a wonderful mom and dad, whose marriage lasted “until death do us part”.  This Father’s Day, I will stop to honor the memory of my dad, who left this earth way too soon.  It is because of him, and the many things I learned from him, that I have been able to fulfill the role of dad for my own daughter.

It’s on occasions like this that I realize how much has been accomplished over the years.  Remember the little skinny girl who graduated from kindergarten the year my husband left?  She matured into a very bright and wonderful young woman.  She knows the value of a dollar, that anything worth having is worth working hard for and that mom will always love her, no matter what.  She’s married to a fabulous man, which means I’ve gained a son.  And I now have three wonderful grandchildren, and this MiMi loves them with all of her heart and then some!  

Would I recommend rearing a child on your own, without the presence of both parents?  No.  But when faced with such a situation, I know it can be done.  So happy Father’s Day to the single mother who fills the role of dad, regardless of the reason.  You are to be commended on all you do to provide for and protect your family.  You are special, you are needed, and you are the one God has chosen to lead your family.  It’s quite the challenge, with disappointment and failure sure to come.  But, just as with any garden, you reap what you sow.  Keep on sowing lots of love, lots of patience, lots of kindness and lots of goodness and hopefully you will see your children grow up and provide a bountiful harvest you can be proud of.  That was my goal, and my harvest has been wonderful. 

  When I was growing up, this was just another day, not really special, but kind of.  We would recognize Dads at our church on Sunday, but I did not realize just how special of a day it was until I lost my father. 

  My Dad would always go to his father’s house and just spend time with him on Father’s Day.  I thought that was so boring. They usually did not do anything but sit and talk. Our family celebrated the birthdays, and special days like Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas. These holidays were always a full family event where Aunt Velma and her family and ours would get together with my grandparents, have a meal and spend the day together. Father’s Day was more of a personal note, just a time we would go and spend with PaPa. When Granddaddy passed away in 1977, it was just me and my Dad, but I still made it a point to go and spend a little time with him on Father’s Day. I did not realize just how important that time would mean until years later.    

My Dad was a simple man.  Everything he did, he did for his family.. that was his enjoyment. When I was 12 years old, he offered to let me work for him after school and during the summer at his lumber yard. Since I always had to earn whatever money I had, this was something I eagerly agreed to. I would ride with him sometimes when he layed off new home sites and my job was to hold the scale rod so he could get measurements from his survey instrument, or to hold a stake so he could drive it into the ground with a sledge hammer.  During the summer, if I was not helping prime tobacco with our neighbors, I would work at the Building Supply and stack lumber from our sawmill so it could be air dried and then planned into lumber for the houses we built. My wages were 30 cents an hour.  I remember thinking that was a lot of hard work for such little pay, but in hindsight, a young kid like me could not be too much help, me and my cousin Eddie worked hard, but we also goofed off a lot too. My Dad never said anything.  I wondered why, unless the work we did was really great… but it was not. Years later I realized that Daddy just wanted to be able to spend time with me. He seemed to work all the time, leaving home at 6:30 and coming back after 7… he worked 7 days a week and that was what was needed back then to keep a family going. I just did not realize how much my Dad really wanted to be with me.

  Sometimes we would  go fishing on Sunday afternoons after Church… that was a special time for me and my Dad. I remember him making a wooden boat in the barn one year so we could paddle down the river like he had done in his youth.  Daddy spent many hours sanding, and putting in solid brass screws into a flat bottom “Jon” boat that he planned to take down Deep River. When it was finally finished, and had several coats of varnish applied, we were ready. I caught up a mess or worms from around the barn and Daddy fixed a picnic lunch.. (Actually my mother made the sandwiches, but it was Daddy’s idea).  We went down to the wildlife landing off Hwy 64 and put in at the Sandy Creek landing.  Once we paddled down into the river, where we were  met with sheets of gooey, dark brown dye floats. The river was a patchwork of goo. The cotton mill in Franklinville used to dump their waste into the river before it was regulated. The paddles that Daddy had hand carved became stained with dye, and it was obvious that even if we caught some fish, we could not eat them because of the pollution.   I was disappointed, but my Dad lost a chance to spend time with his son. Looking back, at all the things my Dad did for me over the years, I realize now that most were just opportunities for him to spend time with me. What I would give to have another day with my Dad… just an hour.  Just time to tell him how much he meant to me and how much I loved him. The older we get, the more I realize just how precious just spending time with someone can be.  

Daddy suffered from dementia and Alzheimer’s disease the last couple years he was alive. I tried to spend as much time with him as I could because I realized his days were numbered. Every day I would make an effort to see him and sit and talk, even if just for a little while. Sometimes he had difficulty understanding, but at other times, he would remember the times we had together and reflect. The last thing my Dad said to me was not spoken words.  He looked at me and squeezed my hand as he lay in the Hospice bed.  “It’s OK Daddy, I will take care of momma… I love you,” I said. And then my Dad was gone. He died peacefully, knowing that he would soon be in the presence of Christ. I was left still wanting to say so many things to him… I was not ready to let him go. I still had fishing trips I hoped to take.

 On  Father’s Day, I remember the pain of losing my father and the emptiness I felt afterward. I guess that is why Father’s Day is so special to me.  I remember my Dad, but most of all, I remember how much my Dad enjoyed just being around and spending time with me. 

  I am thankful for all the memories of my Father, and regret that I did not make time for more.